By: Dhalimu Robinson, member The Style Aficionados

Here’s the scenario: you are getting ready to go to one of the hottest parties in the city with your friends. You’ve planned the perfect look from the tip of your head right down to the sexiest shoe. As you start to get ready, your friends call to tell you that HE will be there. Yes, your EX! So you hang up, try to compose yourself, and maybe even make yourself a stiff drink… and then the conversation plays back in your head:

“You are going to wear that?” he asks. “Yes, why? What’s wrong with it?”

” Oh, nothing, just asking” he says as he walks out the room.

Are these quotes all too familiar and nostalgically annoying? It’s HIM, that EX again! The EX who assumed you needed a father, teacher, stylist, guidance counselor and, security. The EX, who probably knew T.M.I. about your finances, discouraged a dream or two and tried to run your life. At this point, forwomenonline.com readers, you will be pumped up enough to utter as I never stutter: “NOT HERE, NOT HARDLY!” as you stroll in your sexiest 4inch heels in your clingy dress. Just confident enough for him to wonder what has changed in you.

Now, Don’t panic. Don’t over-think this situation. Definitely do not fool yourself into not going. It’s all about EMPOWERMENT ladies! Seize this opportunity and let’s have some fun! Indulge yourself! Here’s a few steps to try:

1. Love yourself better than he ever could have! With the notion that most women leave relationships bitter, you don’t have to be a part of this rude analogy. Instead of focusing on the EX and your/ his flaws, embrace your issues that allowed them to become your flaws. Remove these from your life and move on. Learn from your lessons NOT mistakes. Go forward expecting nothing from others and everything from yourself. Trust me, this will begin a wave and change in the men that will become attracted to you.
2. Wear the brightest and the tightest. This is the moment to wear the ensemble he never understood. Accessorize minimally. (No putting rings on the “ring finger.”) His jealousy should be of nature, not force. Consider dressing the opposite of what he remembers. For extra laughs, have an ensemble he purchased altered. When he sees you and comments, your reply can be as simple as:“Oh thanks, not sure if you remember, but you gave me this. I had to get it altered. Now it fits better”. This is to be said with an innocent chuckle or slight laughter. Think sexy not trashy.
3. Be nice. Don’t play nice. This may be simple for some and difficult for others. If the breakup was negative, he will expect you to remain so. Take another route and disengage yourself since he understands the root of your emotions. Compliment him on whatever he’s wearing. Even if it looks bad, inspire him to keep it up. Don’t continue the conversation– make it brief and catch up with your friends instead.
4. Have a drink or two but refrain from intoxication. Remember this is about inner strength. If you are inebriated, you lose in this moment. The last thing you want to do is give him the chance to “save” you and find yourself waking up in his bed the morning after, silently regretting it. If that happens, remember (and if needed, remind him): He’s your EX not your EXTRA!

However, if he approaches you at the bar, beat him to the punch and order his drink of choice putting it on your tab as a nice gesture to him but another empowering gesture for yourself. This does not warrant follow-up chit chat. Quoting Glenda the Good Witch of Wizard of Oz, “be gone, you have no power here!” Be mindful of the NEW woman if applicable. Introduce yourself first and be sincere. There’s no need to be angry or unpleasant. Nine times out of ten, she’ll be suffering from him soon enough. Not to mention, a lady is always a lady and does not engage in teen behavior or sarcasm.

So, now that I’ve covered all of that, what are you waiting on? Shouldn’t you be running to Bergdorf’s? You may see me there browsing the impeccable shoe salon!

Until next time, forever yours, the “Style Aficionado”!

Forwomenonline.com