Ok, so let’s get the embarrassing part out of the way first.  Yes, I admit, I took my 30-something behind to see ‘Twilight’ this weekend.  But I went with a group of gals who were all at least 30-something too, and some of whom were even a tiny smidgen older than that.  We are professional, educated gals with juicy, fulfilling lives- who just so happened to get caught up in the hype that is ‘Twilight.’  So we did what any other self-respecting grown women would do- we went to the theater Friday night, waited almost 2 hours in line, elbowed gum-smacking teeny boppers outta the way, and ran to find the best seats in the theater as soon as the ushers opened the doors to let us in.  (Hey, the bad-ass 15-year old in me is still alive and kickin’!)

Now, I’m not as into the book series as the high schoolers in the audience clearly were– I’ve only read the first book so far (and only because one of my best friends MADE me read it!).  But I think I can still safely say that the movie was a bit of a disappointment.  I mean, I don’t think that the author or the director ever intended for the entire audience to rock with laughter throughout the film!!  After all, it is a vampire/love flick! But the acting was soooo horrible (some actors over-acted, while some actors barely acted at all, and others just made REALLY weird faces throughout the whole damn movie) that at some point, the film became a comedy instead of a love/horror flick!

Robert Pattinson, who portrays the lead male character/hot town vampire Edward Cullen, looks much better on screen than he does in his never-ending interviews that are showing up on every network and cable channel in America.  But he really, really, really could use an acting coach.  BAD.  When his good-guy vampire character struggled to resist the enticing scent of the lead character Bella at the beginning of the film, what was supposed to be a tense and sexually charged effort not to attack her turned into the movie’s funniest moment because Pattinson’s cheesy acting just made it look like someone on the set had a REALLY bad case of gas that day.  The female lead, Kristen Stewart, was a little bit better until her hospital scene towards the end when she launched into Bad Soap Opera Acting Technique 101 (“but-but-but-but-you-you-you-you-can’t-can’t-leave-leave-leave-m-m-m-m-me!”). 

And can we talk about the make-up jobs?  I know vampires are supposed to be pale, but geez, the blonde vampires in the movie (Carlisle, Jasper and Rosalie, played by Peter Facinelli, Jackson Rathbone and NIkki Reed) looked more like descendants of Casper the Friendly Ghost than Count Dracula.  Their horrific wigs and dye jobs looked like they were given a bottle of peroxide on the first day of filming and told to bleach their own hair due to budget limitations.  Carlisle was practically see-through because of the Liquid Paper shade of makeup they plastered on him, and Victoria’s wig/weave/peroxide dye job looked like a bad Jessica Simpson Halloween costume.  And I won’t even touch on the Milli Vinilli wig that the vampire brotha Laurent sported in the film…

Overall, the crew of Cullen vampires were less graceful and ethereal than they were in the book.  I mean, what was up with Jackson Rathbone, the guy who played Jasper?  Did he lock himself in a room and watch Edward Scissorhands over and over again in order to get that possum-in-headlights eyes-wide-open look that he sported throughout the whole film???  He looked more like a zombie with ADHD than a vampire, but he did keep the entire theater laughing every time he appeared on screen.  In all fairness, however, Ashley Greene, who plays the kind-hearted pixie of a vampire Alice, did a pretty good job in her role and was perfectly cast- both in acting ability and in looks.

But, as bad (yes, BAD… really, REALLY BAD) as the movie was, I still found myself enjoying it somehow.  I got a LOT of laughs in the movie (though I don’t think I was supposed to be giggling as much as I did).  In fact, I could see getting tipsy on cocktails with my gal pals and going back to see it a second time for more laughs at the bad acting (and to hoot and holler at the eye candy on the screen).  Girls Night Out, anyone?? 

And speaking of eye candy… there WERE some definite perks to seeing the movie (other than laughing for 2 hours straight)… Like I said, Robert Pattinson turned out to be more of a cutie than I’d expected.  The actors who played James and Laurent (Cam Gigandet & Edi Gathegi) had some really, really nice abs, LOL (but they didn’t show enough of them- I guess because of the damn PG-13 rating— darn those TWEENS!).  The actor who played Emmet (Kellan Lutz) was downright juicy.  And to complete my Mary Kay Letourneau moment, the young hottie who plays JACOB BLACK (Taylor Lautner) has even become my new imaginary teen boyfriend.  He’s my favorite…. I loved his cute face— and the bad Tyra-Banks wig they put on him didn’t even bother me.  He’s just HOT.  Glad to hear that he’ll have a MAJOR role when the second movie gets made!!

As a new fan of the first book, I definitely thought it could have been better written, better acted, better directed and was deserving of MUCH better special effects than it got.  But maybe by the time they crank out the second installment, the movie studio will have kicked in a little more cash for either better actors, better special effects, and/or a better director (and I HATE to trash the director, Catherine Hardwick, who is the first female director to open with such HUGE numbers- $70.6 mil in the opening weekend!!!- and who has definitely shown her talents elsewhere- “Thirteen” and “Lords of Dogtown”). 

Fans of the book series are FANATICS though, and I’m sure that most of the tweens and teens who flocked to the theaters this weekend will say that they loved the movie– and will probably go see it a few more times in the coming weeks.  And since the movie is admittedly not geared towards me or the group of women I saw it with (or the group of adult male Dungeons & Dragons nerds we saw in the line at the theater), maybe my opinion really doesn’t matter that much at all anyway. 

Guess I’ll see you in line for the sequel next year!

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